Today's post is quite personal to me, but I know that many will find it personal to them as well, for this is a battle we all face at one time or another.
" Therefore also now, saith the Lord, turn ye even unto me with all your heart,
and with fasting, and with weeping and with mourning.
And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God:
for he is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger,
and of great kindness and repenteth him of the evil. "
" Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not to thy own understanding. "
You wonder at the purpose of these verses. In the past, I have talked about idols and victory and struggle and many other things besides just the " fun stuff. " The last week or so ( perhaps even much longer than that, for things sometimes creep up slowly ) I have felt so alone. I berated myself, saying that I am not alone, God is always with me. But it didn't feel like he was. I went around doing all the things a Christian ought to do. I went to Bible study and church, read my Bible and prayed. Yet, I felt...that I was lacking something. What, I did not know.
Finally, I broke down. I had begun to make many mistakes. I felt worse than ever. Crying out to God, I told Him I had hit rock bottom. It hit me then. That was exactly where He wanted me. I had been trying to survive on my own self-righteousness. I had been trying. Trying to be a good Christian, trying to do all the things I am supposed to do as a believe in Christ. That was were I had begun to fail. You know that part of the verse above, about rending your heart and not your garments? I see that as letting Christ do the work in you instead of you trying to do it all yourself.
So, I let go. I prayed through. Really. For the first time in a long time, and not out of " obligation ". And you know what? It has been amazing ever since. I am so much happier. I feel so light and free. Realizing that I shouldn't do things out of obligation or because ' it's the thing to do ' freed me up to let the Holy Spirit move freely. Now He can satisfy my longing. Now I can have peace. Now I can have victory. Because now, I am not trying. Jesus came in and touched my heart and heard my cries. He is healing the broken pieces. Thank You, Lord Jesus. I love YOU!!!